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a guy walks in to a bar humor
by LastBestPlace 22 Aug '22

22 Aug '22

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there," he says. The man turns around. "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

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08/01-02/2022 The Stupendous Birthday Present (3/3)
by LastBestPlace 18 Aug '22

18 Aug '22

/*The Stupendous Birthday Present, part 3*//* */ Hurrah! We are at the pass. Time for a bite to eat and to celebrate, but .... I took my backpack off, set it on the ground, and as I bent over and reached forward to open it, the fierce wind blew my sunglasses off. And kept blowing them. And blowing. I could see them about 40 yards away, kind of near the edge of a drop off. I carefully went over and did retrieve them, but something was missing. The glasses almost blew down into the Boulder Creek drainage. It was only a few years ago at this same exact spot that I lost my good Tilley Hat, which became one with the park. This time I came away with a missing lens. Kiersten immediately named me "Pirate Jim", which means I now must keep these glasses forever as a prop for my celebratory photos when hiking. Kiersten broke out her brand new essential hiking birthday present -- a Glacier Distilling flask (with the glass window!). Filled with North Fork Black Label (aged 5 years). Cheers! /"I don't have to work tomorrow!!"/ Glug glug glug Part of being prepared means bringing along Theo's Chocolate to go with the whiskey. A stupendous moment. Happy Birthday! The trail ahead. Hard to believe that the views get even better From my phone, Sexton Glacier, below Going-To-The-Sun Mountain, with a peek of St Mary Lake. That's a lot of snow for August. If I had only brought my cross country skis I could have skied over closer to the glacier. May and August remain the only 2 months I have not skied in Montana. Same view from Kiersten's phone. Her photo captures the trail way down below on the left. We will zig zag back and forth downward before we get to that part of the trail. Snowball fight? Really? No more flask for you! Sadly, I have no photos of the sledding down the snowfields. Instead just the treacherous traverse over a snowbridge hoping it does not collapse. Observant readers will note that I did cross the snowbridge first to test its strength. That look that says it's your turn to take the lead. Wow & Wow flowers! All of the small streams that we crossed on the downhill eventually combine into Baring Creek, which is what cuts in to Sunrift Gorge. The trail parallels the creek the rest of the way. There are a series of outstanding red rock waterfalls through this portion. My parting shot. The sun is getting a bit low and we are now in the shadows, which is a blessing as it warmed up considerably on the descent. Overall the trail is about 10.5 miles, goes up 2000 feet and then down 3000 feet. The first 1.5 miles are in the trees, but beyond that every step along the way has brilliant mountain views. Definitely one of my favorite hikes, and I believe Kiersten would say the same. If only we had finished the day with a Cold Smoke Scotch Ale at Oberlin Bend. Oh wait, look what I packed in the cooler in the car, chilled to perfection ..... 😉

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08/01-02/2022 The Stupendous Birthday Present (2/3)
by LastBestPlace 18 Aug '22

18 Aug '22

/*The Stupendous Birthday Present, part 2 */The pool below Matahpi. The trail will take us completely around the mountain. /* */The ponds below Siyeh drain into this creek. Every other time I've hiked this, it was a bit tricky selecting a route across it, trying to choose rocks that allow passage without falling in. But the trail crews must have been through and put a series of large stones in place. Gorgeous clear blue sky and pleasant weather. /* */After the creek the trail goes uphill before entering the scree switchbacks. This is the view looking back where we had come from. Down below is Preston Park. On the upper right is Piegan Glacier. The pointy peak at the left is Mt. Reynolds at Logan Pass. It's impossible to capture in photos the immense peripheral view from the trail from all directions. It was near this point the stranger on the trail gave us the day's adjective of stupendous. /* */It was around this area that Kiersten pointed out the black pine cones on the trees. In all my years in the park I had never really noticed them, and on our return I asked Sandy if she had ever noticed them. Nope! They were almost exclusively just at the top of the trees. I won't let out the "secret" about what type of tree it is, but simply point out how much I appreciate seeing the park through someone else's eye. /* */One of the hazards of letting a first timer lead is that they can go the wrong way, especially if their guide is too busy babbling telling dad jokes (or even worse jokes!). And so it was that suddenly the trail went in to a snowfield right at the pass. The park information page said the pass was open, so maybe we just needed to scramble along the snow, which we did try before giving up. Perhaps we could circumvent it going up the scree on the right -- there were footprints that looked like others had gone that way. No, the rocks were way too loose. So backtrack down the trail a bit where we discovered where the switchbacks start that we had missed. I should also mention as we started up the switchbacks, it got windy. Really windy!!! We put on raincoats to act as windbreakers. /* */The switchbacks in the scree are a grind to climb up, but we make it to the top. That's me at Siyeh Pass. My phone shows 8080 feet elevation. /* */Kiersten just starting across the pass. /* */You made it!! Like middle age, it's all downhill going forward. /* */

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08/01-02/2022 The Stupendous Birthday Present (1/3)
by LastBestPlace 18 Aug '22

18 Aug '22

*/The Stupendous Birthday Present, part 1 /*We met Kiersten for the first time just over a year ago, during the first week in July of 2021. She and her friend Kayla stayed with us briefly (2 days?). Curiously, their stay is not even listed on my calendar, and we had overlapping guests for part of that visit. At the time, we also had the living room torn apart with the fireplace project, and Nadine's wedding in 3 weeks, so I have very limited recollections of their stay. As I recall, their first introduction to ever seeing Glacier National was that Sandy drove them up to Logan Pass early in the morning and they biked down the west side at sunrise, at which point Sandy drove them back up to the pass and the biked down the east side to Sun Point. All on a very clear sunny morning. This, or course, becomes a life changing event for them, /Hooked on Glacier for Life! /Kiersten's twin sister -- "Channing the Elder" (because she was born 30 minutes earlier!) -- also visited last year. Somehow or other we discovered Channing's birth date, with the incredible coincidence that her twin sister has the same birth date. And since Kiersten was working relatively nearby this summer, we invited her to come visit and we'd have a birthday party. Heck, as a birthday present I'd take her for a hike in the park. I'd like to think that a hike as a birthday present is like the American Express commercial that says "/How much would you pay for this/?" and then answer "/Priceless/". Unlike a material gift, this is a gift of cherishable memories (hopefully positive!). It ended up being a /firing on all cylinders /and /goes to eleven/ hike. Just wow! At one point on the trail we came across another hiker coming down the trail, and after a smiling greeting -- curiously almost every hiker on the trail in Glacier always has a smile! -- I remarked that I had run out of adjectives to describe the views. The stranger remarked "Stupendous", and so it was named! */ /*I did not say there were no material gifts. Sandy made a birthday cake. A lemon huckleberry cake. With a lemon curd buttercream frosting. With huckleberries on top. 3 layers tall. A sugar buzz to last a week. The bag contained a small insignificant present that I've found useful when hiking. I think just the smell of the cake elicited the smile and glazed look in the eyes 😉 */ /*The next morning we got up early to go hike. Sandy and our other guest Rick drove in as well and helped us position my car at the end of the trail. We would be hiking Siyeh Pass which is a point-to-point trail. Prior to hiking, we made a stop at Sun Point. Whitecaps on St. Mary Lake show how windy it was, but the air is crystal clear with no clouds. After a short drive up to Siyeh Bend, we are dropped off at the trailhead. The first 2.5 miles are on the Piegan Pass trail, at which point we take a right turn to Siyeh Pass. I very briefly took the lead on the trail, but insisted Kiersten lead. She doesn't need to look at my backside for 10.5 miles. The other reason is to allow her the freedom to choose the photo stops. I really enjoy hiking with people who have not been on a trail before; not only are they seeing it for the first time, but where they stop and what they look at allows me to also get some of that first time experience again, and see things I would overlook. In West Glacier we had a fantastic Beargrass season in June. That was at 3100 ft elevation and that played out many weeks ago. But now we are at 6000 feet, and while not the abundance as down below had, there was still a fair amount. The giant Beargrass. Not photo shopped, by the way! The wildflowers in Preston Park were good, but I think we were about 2 weeks early for their peak performance. Nonetheless, we attempted to create the flower child Woodstock look. In the background on the mountain is Piegan Glacier (the "experts" prediction of it's demise by 2020 appears to be unmet). Mt. Siyeh and wildflowers. I will summit it someday (the mountain, not the flowers)! The bridge that leads to Piegan Pass. We had a nice chat with a backcountry ranger here. From this point onward we follow the Siyeh Pass trail.

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pastor humor
by LastBestPlace 14 Aug '22

14 Aug '22

A pastor was 10-minutes into his sermon when he noticed his young son in the balcony with a pea-shooter. He was leaning over the "balcony"—aiming, and popping people in the head. As the pastor prepared to deliver a very public scolding of his boy – the 7 year-old son hollered out, “You keep preaching Dad, and I’ll keep’em awake!

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pirate humor
by LastBestPlace 03 Aug '22

03 Aug '22

The pirate had spent a lot of time in the sun, so he decided to go to the skin clinic and get the moles on his back checked out by a specialist. The specialist takes a close look at them and says, “it is ok. They’re benign.” The pirate replies, “Check again. I think there be eleven.”

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one stone humor
by LastBestPlace 01 Aug '22

01 Aug '22

There once was an man who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, 'If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them!' The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.' Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! Why ??? You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone !!!

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potato humor
by LastBestPlace 30 Jul '22

30 Jul '22

Why did the potato cross the road? There was a fork up ahead!

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dog humor
by LastBestPlace 23 Jul '22

23 Jul '22

A young Irish boy goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money, he calls home. "Dad" he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in our institution that will teach our dog, Jack, how to talk!" "That's amazing, "his father says. "How do I get Jack in that program?" "Just send him down here with $10,000" the young boy says " and I'll get him in the course." So his father sends the dog and $10,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Jack doing son?" his father asks. "Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!" "Read ??"says his father. "No kidding! How do we get Jack in that program?" "Just send $20,000, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog!!! When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Jack? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!" "Dad" the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Jack was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading The Economic Times, like he usually does. Then Jack turned to me and asked, "So, is your father still having an affair with that pretty lady Rachel who lives down the street ?" The father went white and exclaimed "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" "I sure did, dad! "That's my boy!" The kid went on to law school and is now a politician.

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06/2022 Glacier Half Marathon: Tapering down
by LastBestPlace 30 Jun '22

30 Jun '22

The Glacier Half Marathon was on June 25, 2022. This is my fifth year of running in it. Due to being extremely busy in April, May and early June my training this year was pretty weak. 2 trips to California which included 2.5 weeks Scamping, another Scamp trip to St. Mary, and a few house guests visiting made it impossible to achieve a consistent steady weekly build up of longs runs, which proper training requires. Sometimes one must juggle life's various priorities and this year the race was not the highest priority. As always my goal for any race these days is to cross the start and finish lines in the same day, and accept anything beyond that as a bonus. Still, I'd like to do well enough to enjoy the race and complete it injury free. My ideal training consists of one long run a week, and every week or so increase the length of the run by a mile or two and eventually get to the point of a weekly 15 mile run -- an overdistance for a half marathon to ensure plenty of stamina. That training is over a period of about 3 months, depending on what running shape I'm in. This year I managed one long run of 11.5 miles. As important as that training build up is, it is just as important two to three weeks prior to the race to "Taper Down". Back off from the longer runs, and let the body build up some energy reserves. It's actually really hard to do!! Especially with under training, the thoughts are always centered around "If I can only get one more good long run in". Father Time is very unforgiving -- at a certain point you cannot squeeze in extra training to make up for lost time. So with that as the preface, let me describe my (abysmal lack of) tapering down 😉 This year's Tapering Down story actually begins in September 2019, when Sam and Tegan visited us. They were working in Missoula at the time, but are from Melbourne, Australia and are cronies of Penny who helped arrange a visit. I was delighted to take them for a hike up to Dragon's Tail in some rather cool fall weather. We also did a hike to Avalanche Lake the next day. And no visit to the Last Best Place is every complete without a distillery tasting. As luck would have it, looking back thru my photo archives Sam and Tegan have the distinction of being our very last pre-covid house guests!!! ( /technically Buzzard's visit to ski in late Feb 2020 could also be considered a contender for last pre-covid house guest, or Anne and Jeremy's visit in March 2020 ). /It would certainly be a long, long time before we would ever see them again, and sure enough the weekend before they race they came for a visit. Now jump ahead to June 16, 2022. 9 days before the race. Taper down does not mean stop running. It means back off from the longer runs. So with 9 days to go I run to Apgar and back. It's an 8 mile run. I head out at 11am and there is a line of cars at the new bridge trying to get in to the park. The park now requires, in addition to a park pass, an entry ticket for the day you want to get in. Either everyone with entry tickets for that day waited until 11am, or a lot of them have no ticket and will have to turn around. It's a really rude surprise if you've driven hundreds of miles on vacation to discover you are not allowed in (until 4pm when no entry ticket is required). The view from Apgar on June 16. On June 14 a cold storm had come thru and dumped a foot or more of snow at the higher elevations. It's summer in Montana!! June 17, 8 days before the race, I head over to Two Medicine to hike to Scenic Point. The weather is 60 degrees; the air is clear; the views will be brilliant. The hike should only be about 7 miles out and back, up and down 2500 feet. At 9513 feet Rising Wolf Mountain dominates over Two Medicine. The weather could not be better. Mama and baby Bighorn on the trail .... I kid you not! The valley that feeds Appistoki Falls. Two Medicine Lake. Usually notoriously windy, it is calm today. The trail to Scenic Point was impassable due to snow, but I did climb up the rise at the saddle to get a view and could have hiked over to it. That would have added a bit more mileage, and I really am supposed to be taking it easy and taper. Yet another view of the Two Medicine Valley. It's a short season in the alpine country. As soon as the snow melts the flowers bloom. June 18 Sam and Tegan are here. The weather forecast is very good and they have a park entry ticket, so off we go to bike up Going-To-The-Sun road. As we enter the park we ask at the gate how far bikes can ride. This year for the first time the park closes the road to hikers and bikers at a certain point, based on avalanche danger. The last few years have entailed some rescues where an avalanche has stranded bikers who had gone higher up. The ranger tells us he thinks the road is closed after the Loop. The ride up is fantastic!!! Early on we pass a slide/avalanche area next to the road. McDonald Creek with a lot of water, and the Garden Wall beyond. This is the view from the 2nd portal in the West Side Tunnel. Could not ask for a better day to bike. Heaven's Peak. Because of the late snow only a few days prior and the warm sunny weather, we estimate we passed at least 50 waterfalls on the ride. This particular one was unique in that the water simply flowed out of the rock it's origin unseen. Haystack Creek is a torrent. That's Sam and Tegan riding by it. There is a noticeable 20 degree temperature difference as you bike past the snow and bitter cold water. Much to our delight, the road was open all the way to Road Camp. Because Sam and Tegan originate from the down under penal colony, they demonstrated their criminal nature by standing beyond the closure sign. So continuing my Taper Down, the bike ride was a mere 22 miles with an elevation gain of 3000 feet.

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