- LastBestPlace - mm4.emwd.com

40 year old humor
by LastBestPlace 09 Mar '23

09 Mar '23

An evangelical minister and a politician arrived at Heaven’s gate one day together. And St. Peter, after doing all the necessary formalities, took them in hand to show them where their quarters would be. And he took them to a small, single room with a bed, a chair, and a table and said this was for the clergyman. And the politician was a little worried about what might be in store for him. And he couldn’t believe it then when St. Peter stopped in front of a beautiful mansion with lovely grounds… many servants, and told him that these would be his quarters. And he couldn’t help but ask, he said, “But wait, how–there’s something wrong–how do I get this mansion while that good and holy man only gets a single room?” And St. Peter said, “You have to understand how things are up here. We’ve got thousands and thousands of clergy. You’re the first politician who ever made it.” For those too young to remember, 40 years ago today President Reagan began his “Evil Empire” speech with this joke. Full text is at https://voicesofdemocracy.umd.edu/reagan-evil-empire-speech-text/

1 0

lawyer humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Mar '23

06 Mar '23

For three straight years, a young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at the same country inn, once per year. During his last visit, he'd finally managed to seduce the innkeeper's gorgeous daughter, so he couldn't wait to go there again. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about us and that I was pregnant, we sat up all night talking and talking and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

1 0

after death humor
by LastBestPlace 04 Feb '23

04 Feb '23

An elderly couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no "after life" at all. After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me? "Is that you, Frank? "Yes, I've come back like we agreed. "That's wonderful! What's it like? "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again "Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven? "No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona."

1 0

09/05/22 Oberlin Trail
by LastBestPlace 30 Jan '23

30 Jan '23

Early morning hiking up at Logan Pass is so good that Sandy has got to see this! So up early on Labor Day to take her up on the Oberlin trail. As always great weather awaits us. The Garden Wall. The distinctive Bishop's Cap peak in the middle with the Highline trail visible. While it is past it's peak season for wildflowers, the many that remain are very pretty. Crossing below the falls. When I hiked down Oberlin after sunset with Jason the prior summer, this is the spot where a tripped and fell and my flask flew out of my backpack, very fortunately recovered! Just a brilliant day to be out. Sandy and Heavy Runner We went up as far as a ledge below the saddle. There is a short scramble up the rocks from the ledge. This is an excellent site for a picnic -- have Sandy take you up here when you visit!! Still pockets of wildflowers in September.

1 0

08/16/22: Dragon's Tail
by LastBestPlace 30 Jan '23

30 Jan '23

The hike up at Logan Pass 2 days prior was soooo sweet, I had to go up again. This time the goal was the false summit of Dragon's Tail, another off the official trail location. It's 6am with a one mile line of cars waiting for the road to open from the construction closure. My guess is the majority are heading to Logan Pass, which means the parking lot will fill quickly. Up at the pass blessed with outstanding weather again. It's peak wildflower season The first part of the hike goes up the Hidden Lake trail. A lone Big Horn was watching the hikers go by. I did my good deed for the day explaining to a few of the tourists that they'll get a better photo if they position the sheep in front of the snowfield, since their natural coloring blends in with the rocks. Mt. Reynolds is on the left with the bottom of the Dragon Tail on the right. I'm heading to the gap between the two on the left. This pond is just on the "north" side of the Continental Divide. The water flows down to St. Mary Lake and eventually into Hudson Bay and the Arctic Ocean. Looking over the divide the other direction is Bearhat Mtn. The trail I was on had 3 snowfields to cross. Temperature outside is about 70 degrees at this point Just making the turn before Reynolds to go up the gap. As Hidden Lake came in to view, it was obvious it is a "goes to 11" day! No wind so the lake reflection was like glass, with a perfect combination of early sun and shade. WOW-O-WOW what a reflection!!! There were only 3 other people on the trail with me to witness this. The view near the false summit. As the sun rises and the air warms up, a small breeze must be hitting the lake as the left side begins blur on the mirror. It's only 9am and the best views are fading. Heading back, I believe this viewpoint one can see both Sperry glacier and Longfellow Glacier

1 0

08/14/22: Clements-Oberlin Saddle
by LastBestPlace 30 Jan '23

30 Jan '23

It's zero degrees in West Glacier today, a good day to stay inside and catch up on some photos. Last summer was the 2nd year that GNP instituted their "entry ticket reservation system" for park entry. In addition to paying for a park pass, each vehicle needed an entry ticket for that day in order to enter the park between the hours of 6am and 4pm. Since we are 5 minutes from the entrance, our way around that is to get up early and enter before 6am (though the "local" word was that due to staffing issues that gate was not manned until 7am!). In addition to that, road construction closed Sun road on the west side between 10pm and 6am, so there was no access up the road until 6am. August 14 I got up early and headed in. Though I've climbed Mt. Oberlin a few times, I've only gone up scree trail and had never been on the saddle between Oberlin and Clements. This day was a short hike up to the saddle. As a side note, the park "discourages" the scree trail due to erosion, but does not close that access. Also, the rules for hiking in the park are generally you may hike anywhere unless there are signs that say you cannot. Most of Logan Pass is closed to off trail hiking since it is an extremely high traffic area of people which would trample the fragile ecosystem. The trail to Mt. Oberlin is neither a park maintained trail, nor is it closed off for hiking -- it's one of those places that mostly only locals know about. On the drive up I stopped at the Loop to catch the moonset/sunrise on Heaven's Peak. It's warm already; another brilliant day trapped in paradise. Up at Logan Pass the morning sun on Mt. Clements. There are already people heading up the Hidden Lake trail, which has signs along the trail that off trail hiking is illegal. I'm heading up the trail to the saddle between Clements on the left and Oberlin on the right. Could not have picked better weather Looking back the sun is creeping over Going-To-The-Sun Mountain The trail heads up to the moon, just past the stunning wildflowers It's mid August, and by Labor Day it may be snowing at this elevation. These snowfields are not melting out this year. The trail is actually still snow covered for a small portion Sun is up and it is warming up fast. On the saddle, the alternate way up Mt. Oberlin is the ridge line. I have yet to do that. I have heard there is a 2 foot "leap of faith" gap over a steep dropoff, and I'd rather not do that alone! The other side of the saddle is the bowl that melts and feeds Bird Woman Falls (560 foot waterfall) which is visible from Sun road. The view back of Logan Pass, with my namesake Heavy Runner Mountain and Mt. Reynolds.

1 0

pig humor
by LastBestPlace 29 Jan '23

29 Jan '23

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not." The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week. Both farmers were worn out. The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass." "Neither," yelled his wife. "They're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."

1 0

note humor
by LastBestPlace 28 Jan '23

28 Jan '23

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hide under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. “She’s finally gone…yeah I know, about bloody time, I’m coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you…can’t wait to see you…we’ll do all the naughty things you like.” He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote… “I can see your feet. We’re outta bread: be back in five minutes”

1 1

priest humor
by LastBestPlace 19 Jan '23

19 Jan '23

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery. Presently, a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare. As she passed them she turned, smiled, and said: "Good morning father, good morning father." Nodding and addressing each of them individually. They were both stunned; how in the world were they recognized as priests? They went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits and again they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads). Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "good morning father", "good morning father" and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?" "Oh father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn

1 0

last will and testament humor
by LastBestPlace 24 Dec '22

24 Dec '22

Last will and testament Steve lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present, and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready, he begins to speak: "My son, Doug, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses" "My daughter Kelly, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier." "My son, Kevin, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center." "Cathy, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound." The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Steve slips away, the nurse says, "Your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property." The wife replies, "The asshole had a paper route." //

1 0

2025

2024

2023

2022

2021

2020

LastBestPlace