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restaurant humor
by LastBestPlace 21 Jan '24

21 Jan '24

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans walk into a fine restaurant. "I'm sorry" says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group. "But you can't come in here without a Thai".

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poison humor
by LastBestPlace 03 Jan '24

03 Jan '24

A man goes to his Rabbi and says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is trying to poison me." The Rabbi says, "I'll go talk to her." Three hours later the Rabbi comes back and tells the man, "I just spent three hours talking to your wife." The man asks, "What should I do?" The Rabbi responds, "Take the poison."

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teacher humor
by LastBestPlace 31 Dec '23

31 Dec '23

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence........... The rest of the year went very smoothly.

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12/24/23: West Glacier Christmas Eve scenes
by LastBestPlace 25 Dec '23

25 Dec '23

It had been threatening to be a green Christmas here. December temperatures have been up in the 40s during the day, melting what little snow had fallen. Whitefish Mtn has been limited to only the north facing slopes being open, and even that is marginal at best. But yesterday we received about 2 inches of new snow. Not much, but enough to cover the landscape and provide us with a White Christmas! Just enough to allow for skiing right out the door and around the golf course, with blue sky and sun to brighten the views. I had the pleasure of cutting the first trail. May you have a great Christmas! Enjoy our winter views from West Glacier Apgar Mountain Golf course views. Frosted grass Strawberry Mtn. The Belton Hills. The mountains inside the park, not visible in the clouds. On the advice of a friend I took a quick drive inside the park. This view is about 10 minutes from the house. The photos do not do justice to how bright and blinding the snow covered mountains are. Absolutely brilliant to see in person. The iconic boat dock on Lake McDonald with the park's mountains beyond the end of the lake. And views from the old bridge. The park is on the right side in this picture. Looking upstream, with the park on the left side. Here's wishing Santa delivers your tickets tomorrow to come for a visit here this coming year!

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divorce humor
by LastBestPlace 23 Dec '23

23 Dec '23

An old man calls his son:”Listen, your mother & I are getting divorced. 45 years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" “We can't stand each other, I'm sick of her so call your sister & tell her.” The son calls his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" & calls her father. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do anything, we are flying home tomorrow to talk about this.” The old man turns to his wife "Okay, they’re coming for Xmas & paying their own airfares."

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fishing humor
by LastBestPlace 12 Nov '23

12 Nov '23

Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite. Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro asks, "What did you say?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro again asks, "What?" Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"

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10/28/23: The year in sunsets
by LastBestPlace 28 Oct '23

28 Oct '23

A recap of the last year's sunsets, viewed from the house or while out on the golf course. We are blessed with a westward view out of the Great Room through the large windows. On some evenings the weather conditions contribute to incredibly colorful sunsets. When we purchased the house we did not know how valuable this unique location set up was -- absolutely priceless!! An unobstructed view across the golf course with no other houses or buildings visible!! There's no place like home, and definitely no place like this home. All photos are shot with either an iPhone 12 mini, or more recently an iPhone 13 mini. No adjustments have been made -- no Photoshop or light room color changes -- except using Preview to down sample to reduce the size. The colors are what the phone captured. Sunsets last about 10 minutes. We've gotten better at identifying ones that will be very outstanding, but one never knows how they will progress. Each one is unique, and sometimes what teases in the sky simply fizzles. Enjoy the highlights! This photo was taken this morning (10/28/23). The sun does not set in the morning, at least in these parts. Today is the setting of the full moon. We had an early season snowstorm on Tuesday, and on a clear night with a full moon the reflection on the snow can look like daylight. That's what greeted me this morning. That and the unseasonable 5 degree weather. 11/06/22. We had an early snow last November and I was able to ski around the golf course at sunset. It was even before the golf course ponds had a chance to freeze over. Alpenglow on the aptly named Strawberry Mountain 11/09/22: A "pink eye" sunset. You would swear the snow was pink. 11/24/22. Time for happy hour in the Great Room. 12/09/22: Another sunset ski around the golf course, taken at 4:14pm. The days are very short. 12/15/22: 4:35pm It had just snowed, leaving the trees white to contrast with the orange sky. 01/21/23: At 4:50pm, back at the house after a ski. 02/09/23: 5:59pm and the skies are on fire 03/08/23: 6:18am Another daylight moon set 03/09/23: 4:19am It was so bright outside that it woke me up early! 05/02/23 9:05pm So many photos taken that evening. I walked across the fairway to get the pond reflection. There are only 10 minutes of sunset, and the colors change by the second. So many choices of what to focus on, and so little time. Bonus points for those who can identify why this must be an early May photo! 09/06/23: 8:09pm It was fire season, and while smoke from somewhere adds color to the sunset rest assured the mountains are not burning. 09/17/23: Another evening that was very hard to select only one photo to show, so I chose two. So much color that evolved, and in so many directions. 10/05/23 I thought the evening's sunset was just "adequate", and then suddenly in the closing moments it turned purple!

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10/23/2023 Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?
by LastBestPlace 25 Oct '23

25 Oct '23

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IRS humor
by LastBestPlace 08 Oct '23

08 Oct '23

Jim Mooney had been retired for a few years when suddenly he received a summons one day from the IRS. He’s been selected randomly for a tax audit, so he decides it might be wise if he takes his attorney with him. Unsurprised by the attorney’s presence, the IRS auditor explains the procedure and then says to Jim, “Mr Mooney, we have been reviewing your affairs and it appears that you have an extravagant lifestyle and yet you’re not in full-time employment nor do you have any other obvious sources of income. You’ve explained this by saying that you win money gambling. Well, sir, I have to tell you, the IRS doesn’t believe that’s a credible explanation.” “Well I am a skilled gambler,” says Jim, “and I can prove it to you if you’re willing to participate in a wager with me.” The IRS auditor considers this proposition momentarily and then says, “Yes, I’m willing to give that a try, so go ahead.” Right,” says Jim, “I’ll bet you one thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.” The IRS auditor considers this carefully and decides that it’s impossible. “OK then Mr Mooney,” he says, “You have a bet.” At this point, and to the IRS auditor’s great surprise, Jim removes his glass eye and then bites it. The auditor sits there in stunned silence, Jim then says, “I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.” Mr Mooney isn’t blind, so he can’t have another glass eye, thinks the auditor. That’s got to be impossible, surely? So, the auditor accepts the bet. So, Jim removes his dentures and then bites his good eye. The auditor is stunned, once again, as he now realizes he’s lost three grand and Jim has his attorney as a witness. Naturally, the auditor is starting to get a little nervous. “Want to go again?” asks Jim “What do you have in mind now?” asks the auditor. Jim smiles and says, “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on this side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket next to your chair, without a single drop going anywhere in between.” The auditor, realizing now that he’s dealing with a wily old fox, is feeling very cautious. However he thinks carefully about the proposition and he decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees. Jim stands in front of the desk, lowers his zipper, and strains mightily but the trajectory of his pee fails to reach the wastebasket and splashes all over the auditor’s desk. The auditor is both ecstatic and relieved. He’s just turned a major loss into a huge win for him. However, Jim’s attorney shouts out in obvious pain and puts his head in his hands face-down on the auditor’s desk. “What’s the matter?” asked the auditor. “When my client asked me to attend this audit today,” the attorney responded, “he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”

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07/23-08/23: Patio Replacement
by LastBestPlace 21 Aug '23

21 Aug '23

Retirement is not just leisure time spent rafting, kayaking, backpacking and hiking -- those stories and photos from this summer are forthcoming later!! This summer's house improvement project was the demolition and replacement of the cement patio facing the golf course. The existing patio was probably poured in 1979 when the house was built. It had some major cracks in it, and had sunk some in front of the sliding glass windows, which caused a lovely and dangerous ice rink to form where one steps outside. This was caused in part by the fact that the patio was level -- so no slope to allow water to drain off. This needed to be fixed. The hardest part of any house project is finding someone to do the work. Smaller residential projects are definitely more difficult to get a service interested. After asking around, two different sources both highly recommended the contractor we went with, and we are very pleased with the results. Mid July, day one of the project, the first hole is punched thru with the jackhammer. The immediate big surprise was that it was hollow underneath the patio!! This explains why the patio sunk as it began cracking. Hot and dusty work. All the debris was hand loaded in to a wheelbarrow and dumped in to a trailer. The cinder block wall along the perimeter had portions that crumbled during the demolition, which requires patching later. In order to provide a proper base for the new cement, gravel was brought in, in a wheelbarrow by hand. The planks were put down as a roadway for the wheelbarrow. Starting to shape up. Gravel in place, which went thru a number of tamping iterations, and the framing for the cement is getting put in place. The north side of the house was the last area to be demolished. This allowed them easier wheelbarrow access for removing debris and bringing gravel in. The only issue is that we discovered some rot on the siding on the north side only a few days before the cement was scheduled to be poured. Ideally it is easier to repair it before the concrete is poured, but we did not want to delay the patio work. So we will deal with the siding issues later. Note the cinder block wall was weak on this side of the house. I actually was not present for the concrete pouring. I was off on a multi-day backpacking adventure. Yesterday (8/20), I was finally able to paint the sides of new patio. Painting about 2 feet of wall at ground level is a killer on my knees! The dark paint helps hide the mismatch between new concrete and old cinder block on the side wall. The issue with the siding rot remains as a new separate house repair task. The new patio has about a 2.5 inch slope from the house to the outside. This should be enough to prevent snow melt from pooling next to the house. Successful completion of yet another big house project. We are very pleased with the results.

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