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chicken crossing humor
by LastBestPlace 02 May '22

02 May '22

Q: Why did the chicken cross a Moebius Strip? A: To get to the same side.

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garden humor
by LastBestPlace 24 Apr '22

24 Apr '22

An elderly Italian man living alone in New Jersey wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Pop, Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie At 4 AM the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie

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job interview humor
by LastBestPlace 17 Apr '22

17 Apr '22

An Irishman and a Norwegian apply for the same job. The job they're applying for is at an engineering firm in Dublin. Both the Irishman and the Norwegian do so well in the interview the boss can't decide who to hire, so he sets up a small aptitude test. Both men again score the same. 19/20 correct. After some waiting the boss comes through and says to the Irishman: "I'm sorry but on this occasion we've decided to hire the Norwegian" The Irishman angered by this says "Surely, me being Irish would mean you would give the job to me instead of a foreigner". He went on a rant about looking after the locals etc. When he was done the boss replied. He said: "Well it's like this. We didn't make the decision based on how many answers you got right but more on the answers you got wrong" So the Irishman still angry says, "but we both got one wrong answer." Again the boss replies calmly saying, "it's not how many wrong answers you got but the answer you gave. On question 7 the Norwegian wrote 'I don't know' as his answer. Your answer was 'Neither do I'".

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04/12/2022 Fortress of Solitude (resend)
by LastBestPlace 13 Apr '22

13 Apr '22

/[** Just a resend due to an email glitch **]/ Two months from now the park will be in the summer season, with services all open, packed with visitors and entry tickets required to limit the number of people in the park. But that is still away in the future. Today is a quiet Tuesday in April, and I'm off for an after dinner drive into the park. The intent being to scope out the biking possibilities at Camas Road (nope, closed to bikes still), and Going-To-The-Sun Road past the Lake McDonald Lodge (open and road looks dry!!!!). I only saw 2 other cars in the park, both exiting as I entered, so I pretty much have the park to myself. How often have you ever had such an opportunity? Well, there were others at Lake McDonald Lodge. Lots of deer all over the place. It's 26 degrees out but the fierce wind across the cold water makes for a wicked wind chill. Too cold for many photos. By the boat dock the east looking view heads into the snow covered Garden Wall. Westward view is where Snyder Creek flows in to the lake, with the sun setting over Howe Ridge, and the Apgar mountains further away on the left. Continuing back along the lake, another view of the setting sun. What a great time of year!

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04/12/2022 Fortress of Solitude
by LastBestPlace 13 Apr '22

13 Apr '22

Two months from now the park will be in the summer season, with services all open, packed with visitors and entry tickets required to limit the number of people in the park. But that is still away in the future. Today is a quiet Tuesday in April, and I'm off for an after dinner drive into the park. The intent being to scope out the biking possibilities at Camas Road (nope, closed to bikes still), and Going-To-The-Sun Road past the Lake McDonald Lodge (open and road looks dry!!!!). I only saw 2 other cars in the park, both exiting as I entered, so I pretty much have the park to myself. How often have you ever had such an opportunity? Well, there were others at Lake McDonald Lodge. Lots of deer all over the place. It's 26 degrees out but the fierce wind across the cold water makes for a wicked wind chill. Too cold for many photos. By the boat dock the east looking view heads into the snow covered Garden Wall. Westward view is where Snyder Creek flows in to the lake, with the sun setting over Howe Ridge, and the Apgar mountains further away on the left. Continuing back along the lake, another view of the setting sun. What a great time of year!

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car crash humor
by LastBestPlace 03 Apr '22

03 Apr '22

A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car late at night on a deserted intersection. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.” The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75 year old scotch didn't break. Surely God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune." Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opened it, drank half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" She replies, “Nah! I think I'll just wait for the police." Many years ago, Adam ate the apple. Men will never learn!

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March 2022: Rafting the Grand Canyon
by LastBestPlace 31 Mar '22

31 Mar '22

Sally and Bryson spent 24 days rafting 280 miles of the Colorado River thru the Grand Canyon. That is their story, not mine. But we did provide a small contribution to their journey, which they captured in a photo Cabin Fever Brandy, made exclusively at Glacier Distilling in Coram MT.

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Light bulb humor
by LastBestPlace 27 Mar '22

27 Mar '22

Q: How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Why does it have to be a group activity??

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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
by LastBestPlace 27 Mar '22

27 Mar '22

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is. JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest. SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick! BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period. AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves. HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here. DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. AL GORE: I invented the chicken. JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems. ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

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golf humor
by LastBestPlace 25 Mar '22

25 Mar '22

A Scottish Golf Story John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn. They loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. ‘I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.' 'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf. But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend. He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?” ‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn. 'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?' 'Well, um, yes!,' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.' 'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?' Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?' ‘She just died and left me everything.'

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