Jim Mooney had been retired for a few years when suddenly he received a summons one day from the IRS.
He’s been selected randomly for a tax audit, so he decides it might be wise if he takes his attorney with him.
Unsurprised by the attorney’s presence, the IRS auditor explains the procedure and then says to Jim, “Mr Mooney, we have been reviewing your affairs and it appears that you have an extravagant lifestyle and yet you’re not in full-time employment nor do you have any other obvious sources of income.
You’ve explained this by saying that you win money gambling. Well, sir, I have to tell you, the IRS doesn’t believe that’s a credible explanation.”
“Well I am a skilled gambler,” says Jim, “and I can prove it to you if you’re willing to participate in a wager with me.”
The IRS auditor considers this proposition momentarily and then says, “Yes, I’m willing to give that a try, so go ahead.”
Right,” says Jim, “I’ll bet you one thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The IRS auditor considers this carefully and decides that it’s impossible.
“OK then Mr Mooney,” he says, “You have a bet.”
At this point, and to the IRS auditor’s great surprise, Jim removes his glass eye and then bites it.
The auditor sits there in stunned silence,
Jim then says, “I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
Mr Mooney isn’t blind, so he can’t have another glass eye, thinks the auditor. That’s got to be impossible, surely? So, the auditor accepts the bet.
So, Jim removes his dentures and then bites his good eye.
The auditor is stunned, once again, as he now realizes he’s lost three grand and Jim has his attorney as a witness. Naturally, the auditor is starting to get a little nervous.
“Want to go again?” asks Jim
“What do you have in mind now?” asks the auditor.
Jim smiles and says, “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on this side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket next to your chair, without a single drop going anywhere in between.”
The auditor, realizing now that he’s dealing with a wily old fox, is feeling very cautious. However he thinks carefully about the proposition and he decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees.
Jim stands in front of the desk, lowers his zipper, and strains mightily but the trajectory of his pee fails to reach the wastebasket and splashes all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor is both ecstatic and relieved. He’s just turned a major loss into a huge win for him.
However, Jim’s attorney shouts out in obvious pain and puts his head in his hands face-down on the auditor’s desk.
“What’s the matter?” asked the auditor.
“When my client asked me to attend this audit today,” the attorney responded, “he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”