August 2021 - LastBestPlace

08/18/21 The completion of the chimney/fireplace project
by LastBestPlace 18 Aug '21

18 Aug '21

It has taken about 2 years from the day we made the decision to demolish our chimney and fireplace to our completion of the project yesterday. Some extremely minor tasks remain, such as selection of creative knobs for the cabinet doors. Our definition of "done" is when all contractor work is completed, invoices received and checks paid out. There were a staggering number of decisions that were made to see this through. The most important decisions were the selection of contractors, and we were blessed with dealing with very professional, helpful, and personable individuals. The timeframe of the project consisted of summer 2019 -- identify and schedule work that would commence summer 2020 June 2020 -- Jules (mason) single handedly tore down and hauled away 30 tons of chimney July 2020 -- Cory (carpenter), on the day after the chimney demolishing is completed, arrives and reframes the roof and exterior wall July/August 2020 -- Conor (roofer), on the day the reframing is complete, arrives to waterproof the plywood roof, and then re-roofs that portion of the house August 2020 -- Jules removes the firebox inside the house. At this point feature creep takes hold and we decide to totally redo the fireplace inside the house January 2021 -- Cory puts in frame for new fireplace February 2021 -- Andersons installs the new propane fireplace March 2021 -- Roger (electrician) sets up the initial wiring May/June 2021 -- Cory frames and installs the hickory shelving, plywood walls June/July 2021 -- Jules installs the stone (that looks like wood!) July 24, 2021 -- Nadine and Mo wedding August 2021 -- Cory completes hickory cabinet and trim It is really, really, really nice to not have the house under construction!!!! Sandy really, really, really likes the fireplace!!!! Before and After photos Another "before" photo with the custom surround ------------------------------------------------------------------------ At the end of last summer, this was our lovely fireplace view for 6 months. The terrifying moment when the fireplace installers cut a hole in our brand new and finally leak proof roof. Glad they've done this a lot (or so they said!). New stovepipe, with snow deflectors (pyramids) to prevent snow and ice from damaging it Fireplace framed and ready to be installed. We have ignition! Temporary wiring in place, and framing for the hearth. Framing and plywood walls Lath for the stone. The first stone installed is inside the shelf. Everybody must get stoned. Pokes used to ensure the stone stays in place overnight while it all sets. The mason is done. Cabinet and surround installation. I wired the lights up. Cabinet doors and final trim all installed. Carpentry work completed. Beautiful!!! You are cordially invited to come for a visit and spend some time in front of a cozy fire!!! The fat bastard chimney, now part of the Flathead County dump.

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witch humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Aug '21

06 Aug '21

A wizened and extremely unattractive old crone was sidling her way across the Mississippi Bridge near the University of Minnesota. Suddenly, she noticed a youngish man standing on the railing getting ready to jump! “Hold it there, sonny, what do you think you’re doing?” “I have lost everything,” he said tearfully. “My wife left me; she took the kids; I’ve been let go from my job; my house has been foreclosed on and my car repo’ed.” “My, my,” said the crone, sympathetically, “That IS a heap o’ bad luck. But I am a witch and I can get all those things back for you.” “Seriously? What’s the catch?” he asked. “I have no money.” “Well, hon, to tell you the truth, it’s been a long time since a man has made love to me. I would like us to go to my apartment, have a night of mad passion, and in the morning, I will wave my magic wand and all those goodies will be returned to you.” He thinks it’s worth a try and probably better than suicide. They go to her modest apartment and it turns out she is an energetic old babe. It’s this way, that way, this way, that way all night long. The man falls asleep, exhausted. He wakes up the next morning, thinking it must have been a bad dream, but ARRRGH! There she is and she wants to go again. “Now wait a minute, fair is fair,” he complains. “You said ONE night and in the morning, you would do that magic wand thing.” “You’re right, I did say that. But just let me ask one question: how old are you, sonny?” “I just turned 42.” “And you STILL believe in witches, huh?”

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shark humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Aug '21

06 Aug '21

Jan was an adventurous lad who grew up in Czechoslovakia, He went to sea on a fishing boat, but he fell overboard just when two sharks were passing and one of them swallowed Jan! The skipper had the crew catch the sharks to try to recover Jan's body. They opened up the first shark and -- no Jan. The skipper said, "Well, this is the female. I guess the Czech is in the male."

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phone humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Aug '21

06 Aug '21

Who was Alexander Graham Kowalski? He was the first telephone Pole.

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car humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Aug '21

06 Aug '21

Last weekend, on my way home from campingI had a flat tire on I-35, So I eased over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out and reached in the side compartment I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my trailer facing on-coming traffic. They looked so life like you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coats that exposed their nudity to the approaching drivers. But to my surprise, cars started slowing down to look at my lifelike men. And, of course, traffic began backing up. Everybody beeped their horns and waved like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me. He got out of his car and walked towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper! "What's going on here?" "My trailer has a flat tire," I said calmly. "Well, what the heck are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?" I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him...... "Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" 😎

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St. Peter humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Aug '21

06 Aug '21

A young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident on the way to their wedding. Waiting to be admitted into Heaven, they began to wonder if they could still get married. When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St Peter said, "I don't know. You're the first ones to ask. Let me find out." Three months elapsed before St Peter returned. "Yes," he said, "You can be married in Heaven." "Wonderful," says the bride. "Great," says the groom, "but...what if it didn't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter loses his angelic demeanor. "OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me three months to find a priest up here ....Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

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nun humor
by LastBestPlace 05 Aug '21

05 Aug '21

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer breasts, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross." Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?

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07/2021 Wedding week
by LastBestPlace 03 Aug '21

03 Aug '21

One of the highlights of the wedding week is the chance to spend some time with family and friends. Joe, Mo, Jake and Molly on top of Mt. Aeneas We also met a goat I named General George Thomas, in honor of a very large Civil War general nicknamed “slow trot”. The Jewel Basin extends from the ridgeline to the right. Sandy and the smallest out of town guest Sammy. Sally, Bryson, John, Nancy and Allysa out for a gorgeous float down the Middle Fork. Clear water; beautiful rocks. The wedding crasher on Thursday morning. Nadine, Mo and Nick were getting ready to take Ian and Melanie for their first trip in to Glacier National Park on a completely smoke free day. As Mo cleaned the car windows to ensure great views, I opened the hood to add wiper fluid, only to discover a pack rat had taken residence. Probably only there a day or two. This led to the purchase and deployment of rat traps around the house. At 2am on Saturday — the wedding day!!! — one of the traps sprung but did not catch anything. From the drops of blood by the trap and the smell, we surmise a skunk got a nasty broken nose. The corner of the garage still stinks. As for the pack rat in the engine compartment, we believe he exited the car somewhere in the park on Thursday. Sandy, John, Ian, Sally, Bryson, Allysa, Nancy, Jerry, Nick, Melania, Nadine, Mo, and home made pizza. Yummm! Lemon curd wedding cake frosting. The rehearsal. As the rehearsal is finishing up, Sally went over to the playground next door and comes racing back very excited, yelling “Nadine!! They’s got a spinny thing!!!”. Our children grew up in California, where any and all playground equipment that was fun and entailed any risk is outlawed. Quite a number of post wedding reception photos and videos were taken on the “spinny thing” The rehearsal dinner back at the house was limited in size by the number of cars that could fit in the driveway :-). “Is this thing plugged in?” photo Ian and Melanie, with the Great Northern range in the distance Smoke blowing in from afar provides us a colorful sunset. The guests have left. After a 2 week hiatus, I return to my boring morning run to the old bridge

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Hickory Dickory Doc humor
by LastBestPlace 03 Aug '21

03 Aug '21

Doctor Jones likes to stop at a bar after work and enjoy an almond dacquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and asks Dick, "Is this an almond dacquiri"? Dick replies "No, it's a hickory dacquiri, Doc."

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Newfoundland humor
by LastBestPlace 03 Aug '21

03 Aug '21

The day after his mother-in-law disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers. "We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your mother-in-law," said one of the officers. "Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked. The Mounties looked at each other. One said, "We have some _bad news_ , _some good news_, and some _really great news_. Which would you like to hear first?" Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first." The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your mother-in-law's body in the bay." "Lord sufferin' Jaysus!" exclaimed Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?" The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch." Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?" The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

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LastBestPlace August 2021